Last Friday, I was extremely late for session due to a massive traffic jam and detours that brought me from Clementi to Boon Lay to Bukit Timah and finally, after 2 hours, to Katong. In that 2 hour car ride, what was running through my mind was that I was going to be late and I may not be able to play for P&W, which was something I really wanted to do. Deep down, I was feeling angry, upset and I refused to surrender to God.
When I finally reached the session room, session had already begun. My first thought was of anger. How could I come so late when I was supposed to help lead session?? Additionally, I felt the need to play simply because I practised for it. In a fit of anger (and some tears), I left the session room and went to the Adoration room simply to cry and whine to Jesus. There the lyrics of a song came to me:
Do not be afraid I am with you, I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home. I love you and you are mine.
I was wondering, what was so loveable about me?
After I cooled down, I went back up to the session room. I was just in time to hear that to be a disciple of Christ, I must
1. Put God above everything else
2. Embrace my crosses
3. Give up all my possessions
But what did that all mean? Furthermore,
4. Be willing to let myself be loved by God
Afterwards, I finally put 2 and 2 together and understood what it meant. To give up all my possessions – these are not necessarily material goods, but rather my pride and my need for control. To surrender all I have to God. It is with this incident that I realised I have a long way to go in becoming a good disciple. But, the best part about this knowing that even though I am imperfect, God loves me.
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are… Who am I?… I am Yours.
And God tells us,
I love you and you are mine.
I felt so loved at that moment. Truly, let us allow ourselves to be loved by God, because nothing we can do could ever make Him love us any less. Remember that God loves each and everyone of us so much! -virtual hug!-