“Grace gives us the strength to stand up again for Him”
Last Friday, I was really struck by His Grace.
Fridays are the time people can usually see me really excited and although everyone can clearly see the dark circles underneath my eyes, at that time of the night, before session starts, those are usually the heaviest of my day. I think last friday, my dark circles were the lightest of my day (haha).
Recently, I’ve felt my faith has been tested and the feelings that usually follow once I fail are the feelings that I can’t be forgiven because not only have I let down God but myself as well. So how could God forgive me when I can’t forgive myself? I think what I really needed was God’s grace here. Simple things like how I used to go regularly for daily mass (bgi: I live five minutes away from church so it’s no biggie for me to go) and now every time I reach home and I can make it, I decide not to. Why? Even when I want to go and I feel like going, I somehow manage to find some excuse not to. Like I’ve too much work, I really need some rest or I need to spend some time with my family instead. Ironically, I don’t usually follow through with getting rest or doing work and I could have spent it more productively by going to mass instead of wasting my time away.
Even in school, I can’t bring myself to be disciplined and I curse and swear and complain about the workload that keeps piling up and I couldn’t understand why I was undermining my many months of trying to trust fully in God and having faith that everything will be okay. I simply refused to turn to God in my moment of need.
So, coming to this Friday’s session and being well a part of it, I could feel my faith being tested once again. I was feeling rather impatient and annoyed with people and myself included. However, listening to the word and watching the skit.. seeing Peter deny Jesus three times when he was so sure of his faith, so ready to love Him and go to death for him. I was reminded once again of how Jesus forgave him. How Jesus still loved him through it all and had faith in him. Thinking about it, even if I’m not sure why Jesus gives us His grace, one thing I can know for sure is that He knows me better than I know myself.
I think these recent events, although small but still troubling are part and parcel of my Catholic life. My faith will be tested and yes, sometimes although I deny Jesus in the littlest things, in allowing Him to enter my life and take the wheel, He forgives me and gives me His grace to acknowledge Him. I know that I need to go to Him in my times of trials. Lately, I’ve been asking God for lesser burdens but I think instead of asking for a lesser burden, I need to pray for broader shoulders -i’m going to be a great swimmer at this rate hehe 🙂
Also, sharing a really great song I’ve been listening to that helped me get through my week:
Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak, won’t let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
All I need is You